i cannot sleep.
my disorder seems to consume my body these days.
i wake up early, unrested, as if i had just layed in bed all night
with my eyes closed, but no sleep had fallen upon me.
when i drive, i feel myself going, feel myself about to fall victim to
sandman on the road.
i am so tired.
my whole body is fatigued.
i lay atop my already made bed trying to rest,
my mother asks me if im pregnant.
i am not.
unless i am the next virgin mary, i should not be.
my eyesight is leaving me.
most things are a blur now.
sometimes its hard to see what food is placed in front of me.
my sense of smell is still there, as it always was when i was a youth.
my hearing too.
i cannot watch the television anymore, not without subtitles.
i only turn them on when no one is home.
i dont want them to be aware of my hearing problems.
it seems my whole body is falling apart.
everything hurts.
my back, wrists, feet, ears, eyes, libido.
everything.
i find no need for exersize anymore, it hurts my body too much.
i spar.
when my kick touches down on the helmet of the unsuspecting,
it hurts me more than them.
i need to sleep.
my body is weak.
im so tired.
i cant.
my body will not allow me to be victim of the sandman's cruel pleasure.
but oh how i need it.